Nitpickers & People-Pleasers

                               Nitpickers & People-Pleasers

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” – Luke 6:41-42

Nitpicking, we have all been guilty of it. I am chief among them because, for a long time, I felt it was a necessary part of being a Christian. I thought it was my role to identify and bring to the attention of others things I thought were being done incorrectly. The biggest problem with nitpicking other’s behavior is that it elevates our own opinions to that of God. Each person is to work out their own salvation, Philippians 2:12. Often within the religious world and, to our chagrin, within the church, people impose standards that go beyond what God requires. When we do this, using God as a shield for our standards beyond what He has outlined for us and imposing our own opinions on others, we create unneeded shame, guilt, and resentment within our brethren. Religion and faithfulness based on pleasing those whom we worship with or look up to is a false religion.

    In my adult Christian life, I spent years of shame and guilt trying to become the ‘perfect Christian.’ One that ‘super-Christian A’ or ‘super-Christian B’ would want to associate with and approve. I am a people-pleaser at my core, but being a people-pleaser destroyed my ability to have a genuine relationship with God. As a people-pleaser, I can tell you that being in a religion (any religion) can be a no-win situation. There will always be those looking for you to meet their standard, requiring more of you than what God requires, and in the end, you will become like them and find others to inflict these same standards onto. In James 1 we find an excellent place to look to in this situation. Trusting man's opinion over God's opinion will create within us someone who will be tossed to and fro, unstable in all our ways. This chapter teaches us the true meaning of Christianity and service to God, not to others. It teaches us that when we are tempted, it is by our desires, which can become sin when they drive us away. The people-pleaser sins when they rely more on the opinions of others more than they do of God’s. The nitpicker sins when they value their regulations and requirements as higher than God’s. All of it is sin, none greater or lesser. How do we not fall into this trap? How do we be steadfast in our relationship with God? Continuing in James 1, it is outlined that we should listen to one another, not be angry, be planted in God’s word, and not the wickedness and pride of the world. We should be doing the work of Christ, not simply someone who hears it. We should embrace the law of liberty and be humble servants like Christ. The end of the chapter warns against being religious while not bridling our tongue, boasting about our superiority and knowledge over others; these actions make our religion worthless. It teaches us that pure and undefiled religion is to be a servant, unstained by the world. In this chapter, God addresses the nitpicker’s pride and arrogance and the people-pleaser’s lack of devotion and embrace of the law of liberty.

    Romans 6:19-22 discusses the freedom we have in Christ. Who we were before we were adopted into the body of Christ is dead and buried through baptism. We are raised a new creature in Christ, set free from the bondage of sin and shame. From a human perspective, especially one who is a people-pleaser, I believe we have a tremendous ability to over-compensate. We feel we wear that shame and sin of our past in full view as if printed on my foreheads for all the world and our brethren to see. And so, we tend to over-compensate our religion with people-pleasing and doing what others expect rather than embracing the law of liberty and the love offered to us through Christ’s blood. Until I was able to let go of the confines of pleasing others and embrace a relationship with Christ accountable to God alone, I was practicing false religion. I was giving lip service while my faithfulness was given to those whose approval I desperately sought. A religion that is based on pleasing other people and not God will only lead to heartbreak, guilt, and shame. When we embrace the freedom God gives us through salvation, we can loose the shackles of a religion based on guilt and obligation and relish in the love and grace of God, who will provide us with a peace beyond all understanding.

    When we nitpick and focus on other’s flaws or impose an obligation on someone beyond what God has required, we reject the law of liberty offered to us through Christ. We are reverting to the ways of Pharisees and elevating our own opinions and standards to those of Scripture. When we require a modesty standard, liken to Sharia Law, stating that a woman’s silhouette has tempted us when the sunlight illuminates her, we should reflect on ourselves to determine what caused lust in that situation when an appropriately attired woman encounters a situation beyond her control. When we scorn someone for lack of service or attendance, we should reflect on why we have do not had a deeper connection with them as a brother or sister in Christ before we approach with judgement. When we judge who is worthy to share Christ with based on their apparel, tattoos, etc., we should reflect on how worthless we are, and yet Christ’s love is extended to even ourselves.

    I am a guilty people-pleaser, giving my religion to people rather than God. I am a guilty nitpicker, judging someone before evaluating myself. We are all accountable to God, and only God knows the true nature of our hearts. I have spoken to many people who, like myself, have been consumed with the guilt and the need to live up to standards beyond God's. We diminish the sacrifice of Christ when we nitpick and people-please in replace of a genuine relationship with Christ. We lessen the value of the body of Christ meeting together as Christ's church, when we focus on other’s flaws or work for the approval of others rather than Christ. We are given such a beautiful gift with one another in the church, but a church filled with ashamed people-pleasers and proud nitpickers is not a church striving to be like Christ. I have struggled on both sides of this issue, but until we focus on Christ, only then will our religion be pure, our service to one another be true, and our worship be acceptable.