The Contentious Woman

“It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” (Proverbs 25:24)

            Do you know a contentious woman? There are two extremely contrasting women mentioned in the book of Proverbs. I believe we can learn a lesson from both; from the contentious woman, we learn what to guard against, and from the virtuous woman we have our role model for all women. Contentious women are all around, especially in the world. Unfortunately, sometimes they sneak into our midst even in the church causing strife and division. I have to be careful, because at times I see the contentious woman in the mirror. I believe the Scripture gives us the answer on how to guard against becoming contentious and focus on being the virtuous woman.

            The definition of contentious is causing or likely to cause an argument. The contentious woman is at odds with her fellow Christians, causing division. We must avoid becoming the contentious woman; therefore, first examining ourselves before attacking others. Finding fault in ourselves is never fun, nor something we desire to do, but God gives us instruction in the Scriptures (Matt. 7:5). The Bible gives us as women many guidelines to follow if we wish to follow Christ faithfully. In Titus 2:3-5 the Bible gives us instructions on how older women are to act, and teach the younger women to act as well. In verse three the Bible says they are not to be slanderers.  If you are slandering someone’s good name, you are not only sinning against God, but you have also become a contentious woman. The contentious woman is never happy to allow for God’s Will to be done, she is always stirring the pot and causing division amongst the brethren. The contentious woman fits into the category that Timothy described in 1 Timothy 5:13 wandering from house to house gossiping and causing unneeded strife.  In contrast when the virtuous woman speaks, she speaks from wisdom and always with kindness (Proverbs 31:26).

            No man wants to be married to a contentious wife. We must strive hard to not be the contentious woman not just at church, but also at home. “…And the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.” (Proverbs 19:13) Have you ever had faucet with a leak? The longer the leak continues, the louder the noise grows, and the more annoying it becomes. A contentious woman is the same to her husband as the dripping faucet. A man can only endure so much nagging before his wife begins to really bother him. As a wife, God expects us to submit to our husband. (Ephesians 5:22-24) This does not mean we will not have an opinion, nor does it mean that our opinion does not matter. God also gave men responsibilities as the head of the house and to love their wives as Christ loved the church. That kind of self-sacrificing love will lend the man to listen, understand, and empathize with his wife; however, the end all decision is left to the husband. Once the man makes his decision it is the woman’s responsibility to God to submit to her husband and trust in him.  If a woman has a question regarding matters of the church, she should ask her husband at home (1 Corinthians 14:34-35). Often divisions are caused in the church because a woman feels a change is needed and is headstrong to make her opinion known; however, whether she is scripturally sound or not, she should wait to speak with her husband regarding the issue at home. It is not the scriptural place of a woman to question matters of the church at the church. The virtuous woman is a strong and intelligent woman, but through her submission her husband is honored and respected as well (Proverbs 31:23-25).

           

            The overall responsibility of a woman, after God, is to her family. This is not to say a woman cannot work outside of the home. The virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31 worked outside of the home when she bought and made profits on a field (Proverbs 31:16). Her work outside the home is secondary however to her family. One of the first things we learn about the virtuous woman is the heart of her husband safely trusts in her (vs. 11). Her husband does not have to worry about his wife being divisive or evil, he knows her heart is working for him. She also provides for her household before working outside of the home, rising early to accomplish her tasks (vs. 15). If we can keep our priorities in line, it is much easier for us to resist the temptation of becoming a contentious woman. When our priorities become skewed, and a career or hobby comes before our family and God we can quickly become the contentious woman.

            Being a Godly woman does not make you week or inferior, it does not make you a coward, it makes you a virtuous woman. The virtuous woman is worth far above rubies, her husband’s heart trusts safely in her. How wonderful to know that your husband trusts you so much that he trusts you with his heart? We must be careful to guard against the temptations to be strong-willed women, but rather controlled and obedient to the Lord who sacrificed His only Son for us. Which Proverbs woman will you choose to be?